knock the heaven's door

obey

2009-09-29T21:59:00.003+08:00

today is a good day. "i hope that everything will stay the same for tomorrow", this is what i wished to the dim sunlight this morning. it will be a boring life i know, but somehow it's the time to slow down and go back to the ordinary life- the past of me. look at the sky, complicated yet empty. look at the airplane, flying too fast and too slow at the meantime. kinda feeling grey cos i missing you again.

who is the meanie of love?

2009-09-24T02:11:00.004+08:00

the time running fast and my heart beating slowly in da little dark room again. what am i supposed to do? the way she verbally pushing me kept flashing in my mind. the eerie silence of the environment ain't helps to reduce the fussy chaotic of my aching mind. what an ennui scene. again, what to do next? i did planned... trying to tell them the exact feeling of mine but their mean words always hold me down. why they have to start the conversation with those heart breaking words? somehow i defined it as a way they showing their loves toward me. i love you guys too. i knew that i'm way too slow to take a wise decision. let me ponder for a while please... my life sucks enough and i need some strengths to overcome my cowardice on taking any actions. too baby steps but i would not regret for it. you can have my words mummy~ i'm still the little daughter that you used to know. have been carried away recently but that's the way for me to clear my mind. this is a wrong way but trust me, it won't last longer cos i still have an useful thing-wisdom.

welcome back

2009-05-05T05:40:00.003+08:00

never felt so great to stay awake till morning. the normal life really got me crazy right now. i love this feeling! oh~ you're back. how kool to be myself again, the moment without lights, brain ain't working for a short while, filling the air with tobacco scent, no i won't take any foods even i'm starved, plan nothing for tomorrow and opps, i wanna missed everything. yeah, coming back for more. stay awake my other part, abi. cheers! riots all around.

miseries

2009-03-25T04:36:00.003+08:00

i'm scared...in the sober way..my mind is too clear to think, my heart is warm as it ever does, every single sound would blew me away..i'm insecure, i'm hurted. someone tells me that it would be okay soon, when is it? i can't wait! there was a face beyond those clouds, was that my grandpa? i cant recall anything besides the smile, i need you...where are you? i wanna go with you, take me away cos i wanted to. ohm,ohm,ohhhm....it will be okay,,hope so

sulky

2009-03-12T22:42:00.003+08:00

i stuck in the middle of the road, hoping for some warmth that could blew me away. i love the mist as i recall...but why the fear come along with my favourite? i thought i am the ashley that i used to know...i confused...deranged along my life...who am i? pls, take me away..forever and ever..luv you grandma

shut up

2009-01-10T21:31:00.002+08:00

i had met a samaritan, not neither the nice dude nor the bad ass type. he's the friendly kind. nonsense always in the topics, the lingo-stfu didn't make the cut and a sweet good bye for the end of the date. i always doubt, when is the time for us to take a bow? he will absolutly not be my dismay but as my sixth sense told me, i should not meet him again. this idea really makes sense to me, so i shall crash off. no more story about him.
my life continued with a lot of horrible stuffs. 1st, i fell into the drain(oh my god! it was fucking hurt). the next thing was all about that bitach-my favourite lecturer. she was everything that led to my bad luck. i guess there were hexing around. she made my life worst with her works. then i applied the wrong medicine on my wound. it costed me to the hell.so i consulted the docter and got an injection. woo hoo~ the main story.. after all i was so sleepy, whole my body and mental in pain. so i took a deep nap in the class..the next thing i know when i got up was...my purse and my cheap phone gone. kill me pls~ that little cheap poor hole...return those cards to me at least!!!!!!!!!! sign, what to do? i thought that i had reached the bottom part of the luck until i saw those worms crawling all around my room. gross~!!! i forgot to throw the rubbish..shit! well then, i had the most incredible sweet dream in my life. no more bad luck pls...

carrying you

2008-12-13T21:49:00.008+08:00

it's been a while right? miss me? okay, lemmi show ya my luvly pics++

these were my activities for the last november...it was a short period anyway :)

Take Note

2008-11-07T18:36:00.003+08:00

Happy --> when slept for 12 hours and having my exotic meal like a fat ass on the dining table after got up. oh yeah~baby
Disappointed -->when I din't received any call or message for the whole day and suddenly pop up a message tone that made me extremely excited running to my phone and knew that it was just a text from maxis company. oh shit!
Sad -->when people refused my invitation without pondering =.=
Desperate -->when i saw a cute pledge holding a fat loser all over the street and passed by infront of me few times with lovey-dovey look. kiss my ass :P
Lonely --> when i having a drink with couples and they ignore me. ok,ok..can I get a bf for this moment?
Sweet --> when Susan rocked me up with her vulgar words.
Tired -->when I woke up early in the morning and then busy dress up myself and next go for lunch and straight to shopping with homies and go to club during midnight. Ashley is
unstoppable. Triple kills!!!!
Crazy -->when I did many ugly poses infront of all the strangers. wow!
Boring -->when i wrote so many stuff and lauged myself. bye~

i wish you well

2008-10-08T14:45:00.003+08:00

pray for those who curse you and do good for those who mistreat you.. i learned from my past even though i never get an answer from it. yes, i hurted so bad. yes, they are heartbreaker. yes, you can weep my dear. ever wish that my life was in the fairy tales, everyone is nice and kind, bad guy will go away and the witches will gone after their missions. perhaps, they live happily ever after... opened my eyes, i'm still standing in this scene, but luckily i'm still here. i'll pay back what we owned you. pls take it from me...

the changing of seasons 1

2008-10-02T22:47:00.003+08:00

like to stand at the eerie silence street at 6.30 morning when all the lights were off, dark gray sky explain everything for me. yes, i'm the girl who stand on the empty street, singing on casual song and gone before the eye of heaven come out. did you saw that swimming pool? there was a girl swimming at the wee hours. Let me tell you why i was there...the water is very warm, i felt like hugging by my mom, telling me that the bed bugs do not bite during the night~close your eyes and sleep tight. This is my life, don't feel that i'm a freak cos i am. Again, sitting at the wide balcony, staring at the sky(just like a star across my sky) all by myself. you'll able to find me there anytime cos i always there for the wide sky. Don't ask me why i'm there. i just love to stay at the balcony. chapter 2 verse 1, a lady sitting with 2 boys starting from midnight till the next morning. I guess they were too bored. playing poker cards for hours, that's nut. welll, come and join us, i'll show you where is the fun and humour exist. still pondering? you'll be our buddy i promise :) chapter 5 verse 7, laughing crazily alone during a walk. a little story could make her laugh like found the heaven's door. But let me tell you, i did found the heaven's door but i could not in. it just a laugh a smile, don't get too curious with me. it's just a true laugh from my heart, doesn't bring any meanings. chapter 10 verse 2..... weep again in the dark corner. hoping no one was around before i stop this. i don't understand what had happened to me...the tears just rolled down themself, i don't know why and i just let them. mb i'm too lost,i lost my own way to go home...but where is my home? is that really my home? where should i go? grandma...are you around? i miss you...... --> to be continue

unlucky + a hope

2008-09-25T17:13:00.003+08:00

cried alone at the street after failed to buy a ticket to terengganu..it's a really tiring day :( i thought i'll be ok not to back home this time..but the time when the officer told me all the tickets were sold out, i cried...i never u nlucky like this before or mb i'm too pampered by the god' "i want to go home! i want to go home~ i want to go home..." i repeated this sentence as the time i came to this dump place.. i never knew that i would hurt like this, seriously..i felt alone again. story not yet end man~ i sitting alone at the bus stop waiting for bus right, i'm thirsted so go and buy a drink..who knows the machine jz swollen my $ like that, jz as easy as like that (fucker) so i'm really unlucky..arh!!!!! but~ but~ an old nice guy walked to me and gave me a beverage, i'm shocked seriously..he told me it's mine he took out from the machine... T.T did i ever tell you that i love you? you're so nice!! at least i wont felt so down...i finished the drink even i cant really finished it...the old guy looks like my grandpa...grandpa...i miss you i love you!!!!!!

another life

2008-08-17T03:36:00.004+08:00

well well well..continued my campus life for a half decade long.....found nothing interesting here, no objects suspected..a free pork place namely hell~ for my dismay, the hot weather nearly kills me..it's hot hot so delicious~ unwaited for another new events everyday i don't have head down everyday..what i need is just (pls fill in the blank) here are some of my life pictures>>>

i know...

2008-05-14T05:31:00.002+08:00

i miss you, 4 months passed...my heart still leaving a big space for you..you and only you..my hair turned longer than before,do you wish to see how long it is? not dare to cut my hair because i scared that you can't recognise me..the face that you holded and kissed. pls let me see you once again and i'll wake up from the dream and those promises,,let the reality wake me up from your lies

hot hot so delicious

2008-03-28T16:01:00.002+08:00

i spent two days at kedah..qing ming..1 word to describe my feeling at here, hot!!!!! what's wrong with this state huh? hot and dry..my hairs are wilted even my skin..oh shit!! i need some moisture to make me alive.. anyway..i love this place,it's my hometown,,a place where all my childhood memories lied

my last sense

2008-03-25T03:17:00.004+08:00

"dong"~"dong"~"dong"..it's 12 now,it's the time to go home now..bye my lovely sista..bye everyone..bye penang!!! felt extremely weird now, i don't even know what to do next..i lost my mind, i'm scared..i am frustrated or frustrating? i never know that forgo everything is that hard..again and again..my heart is bleeding..went back home again,this time gonna pack up and leave again..say good bye to all my friends~can't say when i'll be there again,it's the time to turn around,turn my back on and everything~i'm a mobile

kedah-penang and some said butterworth

2008-03-19T04:32:00.011+08:00

my life journey started since feb 5 till now,mac 19..and i have to keep going on for one more week..after this i have to write a perfect ending for the story and let go everything include hapiness,sadness,emptiness,craziness,madness,my love and all the lovey-dovey pieces..don't ask me why i have to let go everything..i jz have to!! this is the only way..so that i won't get so hurt :( every single memory costed me dearly..i'm too happy to be at here,i learned a lot..i'm not alone...i scared to back to the reality,cinderella used to back to the reality at 12a.m too, next week would be the 12 o'clock and I will back to my own sit, prepare for the next journey-single trip

p/s: agirl,if and only if you are reading this blog.,i just wanna tell you that i will eat alot when emptiness lay inside my heart while the moment when i feel sad..i'll eat even faster :P i love you,my sweet sista

2008-03-10T05:01:00.003+08:00

with my tireness and laziness again,i write this post....something great happened through these days.i think everyone would be amazed by my news..i'm getting married!!!no..absolutely not such news :p it jz..nothing..nothing special..forget about it... one more thing before i left, mb i lost contact with you guys..but seriously from the bottom of my heart...all of you always in my mind..i miss you guys..my lovely friends!!! muacks~

hApPy

2008-01-13T09:33:00.001+08:00

before i close my eyes.. i would like to say~ good morning everyone!! life is so great to have a jasmine tea at this time :) with the appearance of the eye of heaven.. i had decided to sleep now~ ghost...sleepless night gave me a jovial mood..i'm satisfied with everything~it is the time now to have a sweet dream' bye~ muacks~

First kisS

2008-01-12T05:28:00.000+08:00

oh my pretty room~ you look charming after i dusting for 3 hours..( horrible and terrible X_x )not even a single little dust lay on your body, you are so clean~ bling bling sparkling in my eyes.. you are beautiful ~ you're beautiful~ it's true~ (james blunt).... all i need to do now are to keep you on this stage for at least 1 week!! hoho... betty is not allow to enter this room again!! this is my 1st order!! my room is clean without her.. no more messy!!!
haiz... the movie, 斗牛要不要 made me felt very very damn sleepy...i watched it for whole day dy... erm...actually i repeated watching the same episodes seems that the emule's downloading speed is SUPER fast... i'm rich of time..this is the truth~ i did not want it too.. back to the topic.. mike and hebe kept kissing..it make me remind my 1st kiss.. when shall i give it off? give it off when i'm 30s? no way...such an old virgin =_=" no way!! kiss me~ beneath the milky twilight~ T_T...mike~ can you kiss me? really hate such handsome guy!! make me crazy only...hoho...

there are few points needed for my 1st kiss :

1st - bad breath is not allowed especially the one who eat onion and durian..i'll kick his ass badly!! :)
2nd - erm.. experienced.. erm...hard to explain..keke..so shy to talk about the experience..wahahaha
3rd - taller than me is a must~
4th - no dirt in his mouth..you know~ so weird..kissing meanwhile eating..yakss...uak~
5th - never kiss in toilet
6th - his mouth must looks tasty and make me hasty to kiss him
7th - i like the body shampoo's smell..so.. any perfumes are out!! i hate perfumes.. make me headache only :(
8th - a true kiss , pure

haiz... i'm talking rubbish... don't even have bf.. how to kiss? haiz... no need to kiss la~ what a bothering and annoying topic..

sleeping beaUty...

2008-01-11T02:41:00.000+08:00

I started talking infront of the mirror..yet..i even talking alone in my room, staring at my gathered dust's album, dancing like a nut and chit-chat with my cats - phee phee, chye chye and betty. They are really suck, doing nothing besides sleeping and eating..jz like me.. when can i get rid of such TURBULENT life? wish that i were the sleeping beauty., fell in the sweet dream and never wake up.wasn't that nice ? i don't even need to wake up~ what i need to do are follow the dreams.. go away whenever my fancy took me.. mirror~mirror~ am i the sleeping beauty? tell me~ tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

free style'

2008-01-07T05:10:00.000+08:00

yea~i'm free..no doubt. Really fuckin' bored with this life..oh~pls save me out from here T_T I really really hate such life, doing nothing everyday..no job..no study..no activities! luckily i'm still a hyperactive person :) besides sleeping , i satisfied myself by dancing the rainie yang's 任意門 , jolin's agent J and 愛無赦. haiz..they are damn hard to dance and i moved like a robot! arh!! i can't believe this!! lim hua always told me that impossible is nothing'.. yes~ he was right~ mb i should try hard even harder! well~ i ended up the dance by laid on my bed. ouch~ my back, neck and waist extremely pain, i shouldn't try so hard~ besides dancing, i had created a dialogue.. this idea is took from the 北姑 slang'

北姑：“老塞。。。
一晚三十元~ 只许看不许摸~
一晚八十元~只许摸不许看~
一晚一百八十元~ 随你摸~！！”

老塞：“ 一晚一百二十元呢？”

北姑：“ 那么你就睁一只眼闭一只眼。。只许砸一下~ 好吗老塞？”

i learned the slang' for quite long period~ if got chance, i can show you the true way to speak it out~ hoho.... haiz... i too boring..i admit it..nearly crazy dy ==

a weird day

2008-01-03T15:48:00.000+08:00

haiz...last night chit-chat with chee hoe until 6 in the morning! oh my god~ we spended at most 4 hours chatting..chat this chat that~ the memory when we were in form 1 still vivid in our mind lo~ we remembered it very clearly... wau~ i can still remembered the time when i slapped his face hard.. how cruel am I!! I..I even kicked and punched him when i was in bad mood... oh no~ i created so many sin...i sure will get it all somedays... felt very sorry sorry sorry to him.. i also don't know why i behave like that, but don't worry :) not more now~ chee hoe is such a forgiveful person.. he jz replied me:" nevermind...you happy enough..haha" oh shit!! chee hoe.. you made me felt more sorry to you~ haiz... luckily i'm a nice person now.. not more punch ppl but only grope their breast~ sometimes nipple~ wahahaa.. we really are best friend lo~ chating unstoppable.. he even counted the time needed for me to take a pee..haha..i only took 15s to finish it.. so fast~ erm... count as good or bad? :P too many things and events to talk about... after chat with him..i slept for an hour..ghost~ at 8a.m, my mom pierching sound appeared in my dream (sweet dream).. :"abi!!!! wake up!!! it's 8 now!!! wake!!!!!!!up!!!!!!" T_T what the **
haiz...i still have 2 go school to do 'kerja amal'...haiz...i got B for my kelakuan...so i have to do something to get an A...kerja amal was a tiring job...don't ever try at school~ after finished my kerja amal' i went lim teh with fan ying..woo~ it's my first time and mb the last time.. yet..i went her house and saw her fierce dog.. quite a scary moment.. and....haiz...really lazy to describe it.. by the way.. today is a very sui + tiring day...weird... never sui like this... haiz

gloomy wednesday

2008-01-02T22:25:00.000+08:00

I was deeply hurt by you……. I asked for nothing besides your love.. lies exist along your promises.. your promises make me extremely happy like in the seventh heaven but I was hurt to know that it’s a lie..all of them are lies.. was that jz a flippant’s way? The way that you used to ignore me..why you never listen to me? I’m frustrated with your lies..i had told you right? Please stop bluffing me..please stop promising me this and that , I’m not kid anymore.. please~ the promises you gave will only turned into my tears…you knew it..the more you give, the more it is. Jz listen carefully and patiently on what i'm talking about, what i'm asking and telling, quarrel had became a must for us.. i feel bad.. cz i love you..love you very much.. you are the queen in my heart..i love you and i need your love..

my 18s first diary

2008-01-01T16:18:00.000+08:00

it was raining and raining...... after lim teh with jin ying , i started got headache and got into my dream..my brain was empty(blank)....... but suddenly and suddenly' i was awaken by the firework's booming sound... haiz...jz realized that 20o8 has came.. the fireworks were beautiful and glamouring in my eyes~ yeah! i'm 18s dy!! it's the time to get a boyfriend~ wahahahaha~ but......but.... but where is him wor~ ei' where is my mom? so late dy still don't want come back...really naughty(sighing)...almost 12a.m dy... naughty mom...surely is lim teh with her friends lor... always like this..

felt sad from the bottom of my heart... i felt really really bad indeed... this feeling laid in my heart since i got up... why huh? because today is a rainy day?no wor... i prefer rainy day than a hot day... because i was alone? no wor...alone.. better... mb i'm missing my sis and bro... felt sad without them... they used to be with me every new year, felt weird without them... koko..agirl.. i love you! :)

yer~ why suddenly thought of tian san huh?! yer... geli o... forget about him~ forget about him~ mb is because of his mr.bean's sock.. tian san~ go away~ go~ away~

anyway.. 18s now..it's the time to leave my dearly mom.. it's the time to grow up..it's the time to crazy in my life..haha